woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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