No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
