I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
