Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
