at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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