grandma shit on top of the toilet
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
