theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
