As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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