I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Help. Why am I so naked?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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