I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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