Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
