Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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