I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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