I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Small penises have feelings too.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
