I wish I could teleport
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
