16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
