had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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