I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
