Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
