just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
