I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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