How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
