Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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