A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
