I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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