what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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