oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
