New low: just hacked my moms facebook
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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