So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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