Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
