I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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