Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
