They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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