Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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