i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
