Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
