Plan B is the new Plan A
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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