why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
