They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
