i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My first STD was from a foam party
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
