Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
