i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
