dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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