after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
