My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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