Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
