dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
