I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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