this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
