If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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