I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Green mimosas i think yes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
