Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
