I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
