i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize