so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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