Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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