I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
