Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
