i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
