That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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