Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
