the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
