You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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