I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
