Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
