belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
