9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
