i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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