I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
