I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
