She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
