i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
