beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
