Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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