why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
