i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
